I do believe

When doing children's theater, anyone who performs in Peter Pan knows there is always a risk. What if Tinkerbell dies because no one believes in fairies and the children don't clap??

Am I a fool? Have believed in love for so long....believed it was out there for me. I see my sisters, parents, grandparents and even former inlaws...they are in love. They follow the rules. I am not saying their lives are perfect, or they don't go through pain, but they have a partner. Someone who is there. They are not alone. They don't go to bed alone. They don't have to cry alone.

I have the most beautiful wonderful daughter and she and I will always love each other, but I thought I would have more.

Once, I told my mom the song, "You won't ever be lonely" is what I wanted in life and partner....she thinks I can find it.

I feel like the little girl in Miracle on 34th Street. I am too smart to believe....but wouldn't be nice if I could.

Does History Repeat Itself?

For the past two weeks, I have been teaching history does indeed repeat itself by comparing the American Revolution to the Texas Revolution. Are the two really parallel? Does history really follow a pattern. What about our own lives. Our own story....

I think we write our own history. I think while it is possible to study history it is impossible to know what happened. I came to this realization my junior year in college. I was writing a compare and contrast paper over Catherine I and Empress Wu. Two very little know wives of rulers. There were many similarities. But the more I studied I wondered is this true? How did these women feel about the facts being presented about their lives.

I have often obsessed about Marie Antoinette saying "let them eat cake"....even before the comedian made that famous....I wondered did she really say it? Did she mean it? was it a joke? was she so dimwitted?

Around that time I decided I could not wait to die. I really wanted to go to Heaven and find out all the answers. To have everything revealed to me. To know the truth and have all my questions answered.

Pilate asks "But what is truth..." funny he didn't let Jesus answer.

Maybe I don't really want to know the truth either. I have always been so curious. But I think so often we make our own truths. We believe our own lies. We write our own histories...

So who knows, maybe History Does Repeat Itself????