my chair

My special place is my recliner. I got it to rock my baby. Stbeh was so mad about the cost and where to put it. But I wanted it we drove up Allen to pick it up and he yelled the whole way there!! Then he wanted to take it when he left...HA!

I sit here often because it is comfortable. In it, my back doesn't hurt which is a miracle. It is also right by the A/C unit.

I can think here. I have my feet up. I can breath when I sit here. I can slow down. It is like hiding in my closet it is comforting, but more comfortable.

My life seems to get crazier by the day. I can't get a handle on most things. I don't know when I will ever get another job. I don't really want one, but I have to find one.

There is one part of my life I can't seem to align with my life. It doesn't seem to be who I am or what I believe in. It seems to be destroying so much. But at the same time, I keep thinking What if? What if it all goes right and this time ....I guess it doesn't matter. I will not change it. I will not stop it. I just wish it was easier.

I wish my life could be comfortable like my recliner.

Broken promises

you broke your promise ....you broke my heart
your anger even took away the pictures I would look at alone late at night...my only comfort those few words, those few images

the loneliness seems to pull me down. I feel like it is going over my head. Like I will drown. I cant seem to breath. My heart seems to pound like it will come out of my chest.

i gave away my heart. I got it back in pieces --broken crushed bruised

it hurts so much I feel like I will die. I feel like a weight is crushing my chest.

i believed in the promises. I had faith in the promises. I wanted them to be true.

but they were just all lies...why always the lies...they crush me stomp on me flatten me

i can't get out of bed...i cant move...i cant breath

the broken promises have crushed my soul

dark

i feel like i am walking in a fog
i feel like i am swimming in dark thick water
i feel like i am stuck in black jello
i feel like i am cold and dark
i feel like i am hiding from the sun

i am hollow
i am tired
i am scared
i am confused

i wait
i sit
i rock
i cry

i don't know how long how dark how deep

i want to breath