Secrets.......

I have never been able to keep a secret. In fact, I can't think of any secret I have ever kept.........

Until this one.

Until now.

Most of the time, this secret has made me very happy. It is amazing how knowing something that no one else knows can make things easier. For example, a cold-hearted female type person was griping me out and I didn't mind because I kept thinking, she doesn't know. She doesn't know my secret. If she only knew.

It is extremely decadent to know a secret. To keep this secret. I have kept for almost a year now. It is only mine to know. I can never tell this secret. But it is a little song in my heart.

Usually.

Almost always.

Not lately.

Lately, I have thought about how many lives this secret would destroy. Innocent and well, not so innocent lives. The topsy-turvy world this secret would create. How many people would be directly hurt and how many would be indirectly hurt. The fiscal and economic repercussions of this secret had actually never occurred to me until now.

Knowing what I know has made me want to be sick. I sometimes feel my insides have turned into a vile black liquid bile that will pour out my eyes and mouth.........this secret. The pain it will cause.

I can't imagine how other people live daily with secrets. This is the only one I have ever kept. I keep it because of the pain and destruction. I want to share it because of the joy......

I know that I can never tell this secret. It will never be out in the open. Someday, it will be a memory. Someday, maybe it won't matter.

It has changed my life forever. How I see things. I see colors more brightly, taste things more vividly. But I cannot share this.

It will always no matter what be a secret.