Vanity Thy Name is Woman

Kudos to the first person to correct my title. But I like it better than the original quote. And here is why. I bought a bike today!!! I am planning to learn to ride, get good, and enter some race that I don't have to run......

You see, I am trying new things. I was playing handbells, but I am convinced the bass clef bells could give me breast cancer, or a torn muscle as the mamogram proved. I have been working on tennis, but it is so hard to get into my schedule.

Back to the vanity part. Who thought that stretching lycra with enough padding for diaper for a two year old to make it through the night was going to be flattering. That much lycra belongs in a gurdle under the clothing! Two phrases: Mooseknuckle and Cameltoe. I thought it would at least hide some of the cottage cheese I like to call my thighs but no such luck!!

More on the vanity............I have a really cute helmet. However, helmet head sucks. For a woman who believes her best features are her smile and her hair basically, 50% has just been flushed down the toilet!!!

This is where I would like to add a picture. Hubby was so kind. I tried to explain what I wanted. An anonymous shot of me riding from the back. What I meant to say was "honey, please take a picture for my secret blog that you don't know about because mainly I use it to bitch about you, oh and don't show my face." What I got was some video clips that he does not know how to get out of his phone which doesn't matter because I am pretty sure I don't know how to up load it here anyway.

I only went around the four streets in my neighborhood for about 45 minutes. I was sure I needed to use those hand turn signal my. I even remember the signals from elementary school. However, I just kept thinking if I am a Southern girl who never uses a turn signal in a car, do I really need to try now especially when it involves removing my hands from one of the handle bars. This is a skill I will learn later or at least to signal when I am going to crash so I don't get hit!!

While riding up and down the torturous hills of my neighborhood, (Okay, they are not even a steep incline it is more just not-so-level-pavement) I found great fear in the brakes. Taking your foot off the gas in a car will slow you down. Not so with a bike. Plus I was terrified to use the left brake. I was so scared I would flip and do a face-plant. I KNOW my right brakes will wear out first. I just don't think a face plant will do my vanity any good.

I also learned why teenagers on cell phones driving 84 Buick Sabre's are scary. I don't think she even saw me, I had no horn, and really no control to get out of her way. I felt like a game of chicken gone way wrong.

All in all a good experience. I didn't crash...........well I put up the kick stand and the bike fell over. It scraped it up and broke a reflector. Hubby said kick stands are a piece of shit, we'll take yours off....hahahahah... I paid extra for it!

I really enjoyed the help I got picking the bike out. It is good to talk to someone who knows what they are talking about. Especially if they are a good looking guy!!

As I finished I put the bike in the garage so that it would not get stolen. I parked it right next to my roller blades that I have not used it about 4 years..............hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm