How Long Does Trust Really Take

When I was a kid and I did something "wrong" my mom didn't spank me or ground me. I got the "talk." My sisters and I can still quote the ending: "It's going to take a long time to rebuild my trust."



It has been 11 months and 4 days. All the therapists say it could take 2 or 3 years to rebuild the trust. In the meantime, I have been working on myself.

• I learned to play hand bells


• I am taking tennis lessons


• I go to the gym 3-5 times a week


• I started singing again (in public even)


• I am learning yoga


• I am reconnecting with old friends


• I have been travelling for work and not been quite as uptight as usual

Today I had a good day. No, I had a GREAT day. I had an amazing afternoon and then almost one my tennis match. It was very close with 5-7. I get home feeling pretty good.

And then with just a few unnecessary words from him, I find myself in a puddle of tears in the bottom of my shower. The despair just seems to take over. And the shower is no place to build self-esteem--seeing oneself naked and blubbery fat , eyes swollen from crying body shaking from the heaves.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get over this. I wonder if the pain will ever go away. I wonder if I will ever trust another human again.