why.........

why did I take his calls?
why did  I speak kindly to him?
why does he still turn me on so much?
why does his voice calm me down?

why is this happening..........who am I becoming?  How do I deal with all of this?

I hurt to my core.
The pain is suffocating.

I don't know what to do.

I love him...........I am so stupid.  I am pathetic.  But I want him.

I want him so much I am willing to accept him the way he is just to have him in my life.............

AM I?????????

i thought he would call today.....he called yesterday

this morning when I woke up I turned off the alarm and then went back to sleep.  I was so sure he would call and wake me up.

I am dying for it to just go back how it was .

My heart and mind cant get over him.

I know it is wrong but I just want him back

70 x 7

Today the little one asked me what 70 x 7 equals....I said I don't know but it's a lot.

The hardest part for me is not the forgiveness, it is the forgetting and moving on.

I don't know if this knot in my stomach will ever go away.

I don't know if I will ever smile again.

I wish I could ignore all of this.

Here is my plan.....
1. Forgive him
2. Keep moving
3. Keep moving
4. Keep moving

I told her that yes, Jesus calls us to forgive, but he doesn't say we have to be doormats.

Doing the "Right Thing" or doing what is right....

Sometimes, it is hard to know what to do!
I am struggling so much right now that my heart is feeling blurry.
its so foggy walking around like this!

there is no try only do

I am trying to hold it together.....30 minutes in the car of crying before school
it is so hard working because there is so much time to think!
I hurt so bad..was it all a lie?
Did he ever love me?

How could this happen? I feel like I may die

I may never sleep again. I ache for him.....